An adventure such as this is a microcosm of experience. You are so aware that what you are doing is extraordinary and short-lived. I believe that this elevates your senses and emotions. It makes you think and wonder and react to all of it at the same time. Being upset or disappointed while on this trip was especially difficult for me. How could I feel this way when I was living out my dream? This was supposed to be my way to happiness. This was something I looked forward to for as long as I could remember. This was a fantasy for SO many people, not just my own. How, on earth, could I possibly not be happy?
It is easy to think that leaving your job and living a 2.5 month “vacation” would be nothing but amazing. But, every day on the trip of a lifetime is not going to be the best day of your life. This is simply reality. Even if you have the best foot forward, glass-half-full approach, you can absolutely not expect to be content and in awe 24/7. Things are going to go wrong- a lot of things. You are going to make mistakes, you are going to get sick, you are going to experience disappointments. And all of these things can and will get you down. I can’t wait to tell you about my full breakdown which occurred in Venice, but that’s for another day. In most cases on a trip like this:
It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out, it’s the grain of sand in your shoe.” – Robert W. Service
It’s the construction on Abbey Road. It’s the restaurant that doesn’t accept Visa (what??). It’s the 57th time you’ve gotten lost while trying to find your hostel. You get it.
I mean, I can tell you that you should look on the bright side, and that there will be a lot of things that also go right, too. But that is a bunch of bullshit. When something really horrible happens in your life, me telling you “it’s okay because tomorrow you’ll have the best soup-filled dumplings” is not what you want to hear. Nothing anyone says is going to make it better, or change whatever it was that happened. For these inconveniences, missed opportunities, and potentially even heartbreaks; I don’t have anything of value to say except that it’s alright to feel what you’re feeling- even on your trip of a lifetime.
A journey, and life, is not an exponential line pointing up and out. It’s winding and unfortunately that means that at times, that line points down. None of us can solve that.
We can only hope that nothing too drastic happens to you while abroad. I won’t even write the worst thing I can think of, but I once saw a story of a person who went to Machu Picchu, only to have the entire citadel engulfed by cloud-cover. Could you imagine? Purchasing the flights, taking off from work, making the trip and HIKING (for days), only to miss out on the view that you went for? That person tried to make the best of it, saying the experience was worth it regardless. And maybe they meant it, and maybe that makes me a terrible person for not believing them. But I know myself and it would hurt to get anything positive out of experiencing that.
These letdowns feel so upsetting when travelling because in many cases, this may be the only time you are where you are. And you truly feel how this opportunity is your only one. It is much easier to look at things like they’re the “only time in your life” when you’re traveling (again- this microcosm of experience). You don’t tend to think this way in every-day life, even though many times the experiences you have are still once-in-a-lifetime. And being somewhere, or with someone, could always be the only time (or last time) in your life.
What happens to you today is different than every other day of your life. The interactions you have with others and yourself are unique. Your life, and your experience from day to day, is never exactly the same. Why we do not treat it so is something I am still trying to figure out. All we can do is enjoy and acknowledge the ups, and know that when the line is pointing down, it is only temporary. And that being aware of it all, in life or in our “trip of a lifetime”, is truly all we have. So it’s not only okay, but welcomed, to feel it for everything it is.